i'm on the hunt

Obviously, the anonymity of the internet provides a fairly safe place for someone like me to explore about their sexuality a bit (like this blog). There's a variety of sites out there that I've registered on over the past few years, so I have some experience at those. Let's take a kind of lengthy (and sometimes lewd) look back at my online gay escapades...

I think I first registered at xy.com in my senior year in high school. I mean, it was okay for someone like me, and allowed me to look at the "personals" on there. I didn't go into the chat room, or really do all that much with it. But it was there, and gave me a little information through their articles and whatnot. But it didn't really feel like I belonged there that much, so I eventually stopped going. I hadn't really made an attempt to contact people on it, so it wasn't doing much for me anyway.

Flash forward a few years to my sophomore year in college when I started going to XY again. I actually made a legitimate ad this time! I think I even used a face pic and everything, though the ad was listed in the state where my school is rather than back home, so I wasn't too afraid about anyone stumbling upon it and recognizing me (they probably wouldn't anyway). I also made up a new AIM name and put it on there, which some people contacted me on. I was surprised by the number of people from my school who were on there. After talking some guys on there for a while, I eventually met two of them.

The first one was a nice guy who wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. He just came over to my dorm room and we talked for an hour or so about random stuff. He was pleasant and the conversation was all right, but, being the first gay guy that I've ever sort of interacted with as an equal, I was a little weirded out and essentially didn't take it any further (including just a casual friendship). I feel kinda bad about that, because he was nice and I'm sure would've been helpful at the time. Oh well...

The other guy was in a frat on campus. We had lunch together in the cafeteria (imagine how nervous I was, for no real reason). Again, really nice guy, and I think he was maybe looking for something more...but, again, I kind of chickened out and really didn't take it much further. He was still in the closet at the time (I think) so it would've been tough anyhow.

Around that time, I think I stumbled across Manhunt. Back then, you could view full-size pictures and pretty much have all the "full access" features. So, it was pretty neat, because I could look around for hot guys and at least entertain the thought of eventually hooking up. I didn't do much with the account for maybe a year, because of the available guys nearby, I either wasn't too interested in them or neither of us had a place to meet up (I had no car, and not enough definite time without the roommate).

Step forward again in time to the fall of my junior year, and I started logging on to Manhunt a lot more at school. Eventually, I started making some frequent contact with a guy that goes to my school and was in a similar situation to myself. We talked on AIM quite a bit, discussing what stuff we might like to do and so on. He never really had any pics available online for some reason...but we agreed to meet up in public (coffee shop on campus). After an awkward first contact (remember, I hadn't seen his face before), we sat and talked for maybe an hour and a half about various subjects. Pleasant enough first meeting, and this time I kept talking to him on AIM afterwards.

Eventually, there was a day where I knew my roommate was going to be gone all afternoon. So, he agreed to come over that day after I was done with class. We didn't know ahead of time where it would go, but he did give me my first shot at a little experience with another guy. Details since I'm sure you all like them as much as I do...I was really nervous. I'd been thinking about it most of the day (getting hard on and off), and after a little bit of awkward small talk ahead of time, we got down to business. We agreed to just jerk each other off, and actually had to flip a coin to see which side we would sit of each other (we both use our left hands in spite of being normally right-handed). I think I won the toss and elected to receive the left hand treatment. So we got naked and sat down on my bed. Since this was sort of my first time with a guy and I was totally nervous, I came really fast. It was great, though. It took him a little longer, but I eventually got him to cum. We cleaned ourselves up and then sat and talked for a little while, and he eventualy had to leave. Just about immediately after he shut the door to my room, I jerked off again quickly thinking about what had just happened.

We continued to talk every so often after that, and saw each other around campus occasionally, but he was a freshman, and we were each busy with our own lives. As far as anything further sexual...though I was excited about the first time, the further I got from it the worse I felt about it. It was fun and exhilirating, but it felt really empty. I mean, there wasn't too much physical attraction there (he wasn't ugly or really unpleasant except bad teeth, but otherwise just kind of plain), and there wasn't any emotional attachment either. Just sort of going through the motions to get off...it felt weird and cheap to me. So, in spite of wanting to experiment more (and various states of horniness) I decided to swear off any more hookups with anyone. For a while...

In the middle of winter the same year, there was a night where me and the same guy were both up late in our seperate rooms. I was bored and horny, and his roommate was gone for the weekend...so I ended up going over there again the middle of the night. We got naked again and sat on his bed and started to jerk each other off. We eventually stood up and rubbed our cocks together (something I'd seen in porn and thought would be hot) but returned to the bed next to each other and jerked off. He asked if he could go a step further, and then he started to suck me. I hadn't been that into what we were doing yet that night (it was late and I was already tired), but this felt pretty great. He was good at it, sliding up and down, and it wasn't long before I was cumming all over my stomach. I then focused on jerking him off quicker, and he came hard onto his stomach and chest. We cleaned up and then I went back to my dorm because I wanted to get some sleep.

When I got back, I decided to take a shower. While I was washing off, I started to feel kind of sick about what I'd done. I felt cheap again, and kind of visualized how it was a little disgusting that I let someone with bad teeth take my penis in their mouth. So, I again decided to give up hookups...

...until this past summer. Honestly, the guys on Manhunt back home are much hotter overall, and some of them seemed into me. I really was turned on by this one guy who was really cute, and he seemed to be into me. Unfortunately, he pulled up and moved out of town really suddenly and we didn't get a chance to meet up. I really regret missing out on that. Otherwise, there was one particular day where my family was out of town and I was pretty horny. I talked to a guy in his mid-20s on Manhunt and after trading some information, I decided to go down and meet him. He really wanted to suck cock, and I really was in the mood to let him do it. I went to an office in a building downtown, sort of darkened when I went in. I had a brief moment of doubt, but he came out of one of the back rooms, and we went to his own office. I sat on a nice leather couch, and he started to rub me through my shorts. He unzipped them, pulled them down, and started to stroke me a little. Not long after that, he started giving me a pretty vigorous blow job. The guy at school was good, but this guy was much better. He kept it up until I shouted I was ready to blow, and he took his mouth off and I had a pretty powerful orgasm. We chatted a little bit while I cleaned up and then I got out of there. Again, I felt a little cheap, but I was more concerned with beating my parents home so I wouldn't have to come up with some excuse about where I was. Granted, I could've said anything, but I don't necessarily like lying to their face.

Since then, no other real-life encounters with online guys. I deleted my manhunt account at school, but just reregistered a new one while writing this post. Not a lot of new guys on there, but there is one guy who I had my eye on before I deleted it. Not sure if it's the right move, and I'm probably not ready for something more meaningful. So, this one is probably just for browsing purposes only.

Is this something that most guys like me go through? I realize some people are more into it than others, but I wonder how common it is. Would I do things differently if I could go back? Almost always...but it's probably been a pretty good learning experience.

Sorry about not posting that much. I have a lot I want to write about but don't always have the time. More soon, though!